STILL

STILL

Today, standing in front of the sea, I suddenly miss you.

You know, I never really hid how I felt. Every glance I gave you in a crowd said everything. It was only a matter of whether you accepted it or looked away.

I love watching the moon at dusk. There’s something quiet and sad about it that sinks into me. Sometimes, looking at the sky makes me feel lost, like I don’t belong anywhere. And then, I remember you. And the missing begins again.

I know many girls are around you who are smarter, prettier, and more confident than me. But still, I once believed that maybe… we could hold hands and walk through time, no matter how things changed. Silly, right? I made it all up in my own head. I liked you quietly. I lost you quietly. And now I’m here, missing you...quietly.

Sometimes, I feel like… maybe you did notice. Maybe you understand the way I looked at you. But you chose to turn away. It makes sense, though. We were never meant to be. I don’t want you to end up like me, feeling this way. One of us hurting is enough. Let it be me.

I wish I could freeze that moment....a moment when you were still that boy in the white shirt, thin and a little distant. So I could look at you a little longer. I still remember your back as you walked away. It hurts to think about.

People have asked me if I ever liked you. Maybe my eyes gave it all away. Everyone knew, except you. Or maybe… You just didn’t want to know. I always said "no" when they asked. That was a lie. But I told myself it couldn’t be "used to." Because I never stopped liking you. Not even now.

When I miss you too much, I look at the moon again. Only the moon feels soft enough to calm what’s inside me. I wonder...among all the stars, is there one for us? I know it’s foolish. But still, I dream. I still wish.

Sometimes I feel like a coward, never brave enough to say it. I admire those girls who speak from their hearts. I was never that brave.

Three years of liking you, one year of being apart. But the missing never stopped. It only grew. Some days I want to run out and find you, even though I don’t know where to look. I just know I’d try.

The sky is getting darker. I heard somebody say that twilight is when people feel the loneliest. The wind brushes past me, cold on my skin. The waves crash hard against the rocks, like they’re crashing into my chest. I wish you were here to hold me. Just once.

Everyone at the beach seems to be with someone. I saw a couple kiss, not too shy, not too bold. I watched, and I thought: if only that were us.

I wanted to sing, to let the wind carry my voice to you. Or maybe I could become a fish, diving deep into the ocean, hoping the salt water would wash this feeling away.

Where are you now? Are you eating well? Are you doing okay? Is there someone new in your heart? I wish you knew… how much I miss you. Truly, deeply.

Sometimes I think if we’d never met, maybe I wouldn’t be hurting like this.

I stood here until the lights started glowing in the distance. As I walked back, I saw someone who looked like you. I ran toward them. But it wasn’t you. I laughed at myself. Maybe… I didn’t fall in love with you, but with the version of you I made in my heart - the boy who smiled quietly and made my world spin a little.

Tell me, if we meet again, what would that day feel like? Or will we walk past each other like strangers? Maybe that’s all we were ever meant to be, two people from different worlds, never meant to stay.

But if it happens that we do meet again, please don’t walk the other way. Please, just walk toward me. One step is enough.

My heart is like this white sand. Even if many footsteps walk over it, I’ll still remember the mark you left behind.

Violet Hela 🌠